Be courageous, authentic and bold!

I spent a lot of my early years letting others dictate who and what I should be. I let them tell me how to dress, what my body should look like, when to start wearing makeup, what I should and shouldn’t do as a girl. I listened to society’s messages about a woman’s place in this world and why it should be at home, in the kitchen, raising kids, etc… I tried to heed the advice of the world, but it never resonated with me the way I thought it should. As an adult, I am now a firm believer that if your dream is to be a stay-at-home mom and raise beautiful, smart, talented, enlightened children, then BY ALL MEANS you should do it.  As a matter of fact, you should ROCK it! I know I could never do it and I have mad respect for those of you who do.  ❤

I’m also a firm believer in doing what feeds your soul. And if raising kids isn’t the thing that feeds your soul, then you probably shouldn’t do it. There are many of us who fall into the trap of what society tells us life should be: a man and a woman in a house on a quiet street with a white picket fence, 2.5 children and a dog. Is this “The American Dream”?

Simple answer – Yes…. And No.

It is absolutely the American Dream for some. But not for others. There are so many people in the world, that it’s impossible to nail us all down to one way of living. So just stop with all this nonsense already. I choose to believe the world is much bigger than me and when you believe the world is bigger than yourself, human nature sets in and your curiosity is piqued. When that happens, the sky is the limit in terms of what we can accomplish. I believe that I am capable of tackling anything that stands in the way of achieving my dreams. I’m sure you guessed it already, but my dreams don’t entail a white picket fence and 2.5 children. They definitely involve dogs, though. But that’s another story.

The “proper” definition of the American Dream is equality. It is the notion that everyone can achieve their highest aspirations and their own version of success, regardless of where or to whom they were born. My dad used to tell me that I could be anything I wanted as long as I worked hard, took risks and “kept my nose to the grindstone”. I believed it. So I worked hard, took risks and kept my nose to the grindstone. I studied, played sports, read books, played music, even worked a part-time job throughout my high school years. My parents taught me that I had to work for everything I wanted. They didn’t GIVE me a car when I turned 16. I had to work and save money and pay for it on my own. And I did! Because my American Dream was to be independent and to be able to take care of myself.

Most of my friends lived in a very different environment than my sister and I. Their parents gave them everything they asked for, from designer clothing to brand-new cars. I remember being SO frustrated sometimes because my sister and I had to work so hard. But looking back, I can see all the things and learned and how they shaped who I am today. I don’t make excuses for my own short-comings. I own them and move on. And I think that’s the way it should be. I always wanted to be independent, pay my own bills and do my own thing, so I did. And the world tried to tell me that it wasn’t okay. That a female shouldn’t purchase a home on her own. She shouldn’t climb the corporate ladder because it takes a job away from a man who is supporting a family. My response? If he would work a little harder, he might get the job instead of me. But he didn’t… So there’s that…

So how do you find YOUR American dream and get past all the noise of what society tells you to be?  Here are some things I’ve discovered along the way.

1. Read books. Lots of them. Lots of different books. Read fictional stories that open your imagination. Read self-development books. Read the Bible. The Torah. The Quran. Learn as much as you can about yourself and others so you can be a good human.
2. Understand what turns you on. This doesn’t take as much work as it seems. You don’t have to go on a 5-day solo hike to the top of a mountain to figure out what you’re passionate about (although that sounds like a good time to me). Just take note of how you feel as you go through your day. The times during the day when you’re the most happy, content, satisfied… those are probably the moments at which you’re doing something you love.
3. Build upon those passions. Once you find what you love to do, find a way to do it more. Find a way to share it with others. Maybe teach your kids, spouse or friends about it. Maybe share it on social media. But find a way to do more of it because THAT it what feeds you.
4. Look for a career that lets you use those passions. If you’re artistic and creative, you might find it extremely difficult to sit at a desk crunching numbers all day. If you’ve already chosen your career and you enjoy what you’re doing, then find new ways to inject your passions into your daily work. This will keep you feeling fulfilled and you will give more of yourself, which will benefit everyone around you.
5. Practice building your own confidence. What I’ve learned in my life is that the more confident I became in myself and who I am, the less I cared about what others might say. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t care about anyone else. I’m just saying that what others think of you really isn’t any of your business. So as long as you’re not being disrespectful to others, then you do you. Be confident and bold. Take risks.
6. Be authentic. Being authentic is scary for so many people because it requires you to let down your guard, be vulnerable and allow someone else to see inside. We spend so much time trying to convince others that our life is perfect and things are great that we forget to be who we actually are. I’ve been all over the world studying people and music and culture and all I can say is that we are strikingly similar but also unique. And that uniqueness is what enriches the lives of others. So be authentic and share yourself with others! Your TRUE self.
7. Be Kind. Authenticity, passion and self-development are completely worthless if you express yourself in ways that are hurtful to others. It took me a long time to get to a place where I could talk about some of my feelings without being rude or condescending, mostly towards men. YES, I was a man-hater for many years, for various reasons (no – I don’t have ‘daddy issues’). I just had some not-so-great experiences, like we all do. But being able to apply what I learned in a way that is helpful to both me and those around me was a breakthrough like none other. So find a constructive way to share your thoughts. Be kind.
8. No guts, no glory. Seriously. Take some risks and try new things. Don’t concern yourself with whether or not you will look dumb or people will judge you. Again – what others think of you is none of your business. So if you’ve always wanted to try something new, then DO it! I’ve wanted to write a blog for like 10 years, but I just now found the courage in myself to start putting my thoughts down for others to read. 10 YEARS!! Don’t waste 10 years… think of how much you could accomplish in that time if you took the first step right now.
9. Accept feedback with grace. It goes without saying that none of us are perfect. So if someone has feedback for you about your performance at work, how you treat them at home, or words you used that were hurtful, take that feedback and use it for the greater good. As humans, our natural tendency is to become defensive when we feel attacked, but a little self-awareness goes a long way. So be self-aware, accept the feedback, apologize and move on. Try to bring joy to others. Not pain.

In short, live by the Golden Rule, challenge yourself, be courageous and find your American Dream. It looks different for all of us and that’s what makes it a beautiful thing.