The world will never miss an opportunity to tell a woman how imperfect she is. It will be sure to point out every flaw on her body. Every hair out of place. Every word that is not nurturing. Every thought or act that is impure and also the ones that are too pure. It will remind her on a daily basis that she is not enough and will NEVER be enough.

Some days, I just have to stop and realize that the world is full of BS. TV, movies, magazines, billboards, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter… Airbrushed images and shaming tactics. It’s almost impossible to drown out the noise. But I take solace in the fact that God made each of us exactly by design and He alone has the power to judge whether or not I turned out “OK”.

The words “self-love”, “self-care” and “body-acceptance” are being used more and more these days, as women start to push back against the pressures that tell us who and what we should be. There’s no hiding from who we were meant to be, and while self-development is definitely good for every human on Earth, it will never truly change who we are. All it can do is make us a better version of ourselves.

What Do You Mean By “Self-Care”?

Self-care doesn’t have to be the stereotypical “indulgence” that it’s made out to be. Savvy marketers and businesses everywhere make it seem like self-care is a thing that is only available to people with expendable income and lots of time on their hands. Spa treatments. Yoga retreats. Fancy boutique gym memberships.

Of course, all of those things sound wonderful to me. But if you think that’s all there is, then you are COMPLETELY missing the boat.

When I think about self-care, I think of so many things. But in a nutshell, nurturing your Mind, Body AND Spirit is what will truly offer the level of self-care that you need. Consider the following:

• Exercise as a form of self-love, instead of a punishment for something you ate
• Your curves as something beautiful that you can mold, shape or leave as-is, instead of something to be frustrated with
• Your “imperfections” as characteristics that make you unique instead of flawed
• The negative thoughts in your mind as opportunities to try something new and overcome an obstacle, rather than a circumstance you just have to live with

While you’re on a roll, think about all the other things that play into caring for yourself: reading a book, taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, getting a little exercise, spending time in nature. These are all things that contribute to your physical and emotional well-being and they don’t cost a dime.

But to do them, you have to make a conscious decision every day. You have to make decisions that are different than the ones you’ve made in the past. And you have to be okay with that.

Give Yourself Some Grace

It’s no secret that people battle with shame on a regular basis. For example, in the case of moms who work outside the home, the shame is never ending. You feel shame for leaving work early to pickup a sick child from school. Shame for being at work when your child gets off the bus and walks home to an empty house. Shame because you didn’t plan ahead for a healthy dinner for your family, so you ordered pizza. Shame because you’ve put on a few pounds over the years. And on and on and on….

But what if I told you that NONE of those things are reason enough to feel shame? NONE. OF. THEM. You are raising a family, working hard for every dime and doing your best to contribute to society in a way that is both meaningful and helpful. WHY ON EARTH does the world want you to be ashamed of that?

I have a challenge for you: the next time that nasty “S” word starts to creep up on you, stop it dead in its tracks.

• So you didn’t go to the gym today because your child wanted to eat cheerios and watch cartoons? Fine. When the shame starts to creep in, list all the reasons why it was the right decision.
• You had more glasses of wine than you should’ve last night because your best friend is going through a tough time and needed your support. Great. List all the reasons why it was the right decision.
• You FINALLY did something for yourself and bought that gym membership, or new dress or took a spa day. Fantastic! List all the reasons why it was the right decision.

Women will always find 1,000 reasons why the thing that we chose to do wasn’t the right thing. We are conditioned to look for our own flaws and we are damn good at it. But a little shift in your thinking, to remind you the reasons WHY you made that decision, can make all the difference. You cannot be your best for everyone else until you are your best for yourself. Let’s read that again… out loud for everyone to hear…

You CANNOT be your best for everyone else until you are your best for yourself.

So give yourself some grace, sister. We are a group of perfectly imperfect human beings. We are big and small, tall and short, loud and quiet, black and white and everything in between. There is no greater force on Earth than a woman who is confident in herself and puts her passion to work for the greater good.

Lift Each Other Up

While we’re at it, let’s talk about women helping other women. Individually we have power, but as a group we have impact. Have you ever hear the phrase Girls compete with one another; Women empower one another?

I have to be honest and say it took me a long time to get to a place where I felt like I didn’t have to compete with other girls. Grade school, middle school, high school…. you are taught to compete with the other girls for attention. To be prettier. To have better grades. Nicer clothes. The attention of the boy. All these ridiculous things that we learn at a young age can rear their ugly heads in adulthood if we’re not careful.

Guess what, ladies? It’s not a competition! You see some girl rocking a super short skirt and she looks freaking awesome, tell her! Chances are that no one else has, and that she struggles with the same insecurities you do.

The chick at the gym in a full face of makeup and tiny bra-top: give her a thumbs up or a head-nod. If she’s crushing it at the gym, don’t judge what she’s wearing. Just be proud that one of your sisters is doing great things.

The girl in the supermarket who is uncomfortable, overweight and wearing clothes that are way too big because it hides everything she is embarrassed about: smile at her. A smile can go a long way. She probably feels invisible and shameful, but a gentle nudge from a stranger can change her day.

Together, we are unstoppable. Pick each other up. Encourage each other. Point out the amazing things in each other. And for God’s sake, stop tearing each other down. We get enough of that from the media and quite frankly, from a lot of men. Believe in the power of the pack, stand tall and know that you are enough. And so am I.